Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
