Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
