Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize