Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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