Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wanna go halves on a baby?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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