its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
