Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
