Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
