Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
