3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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