i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
