Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
