I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
