I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
