i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
