marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
