Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
