I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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