is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
