We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
