and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
