it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize