we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
