i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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