i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
