How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
