Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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