ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i now understand why vodka
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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