Soap is not a condiment
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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