Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
high people should be assigned attendants
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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