Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
