i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
