Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
