margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
