so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize