Im at strip club and am horny
actually, I'm a sock model
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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