I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
