Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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