fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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