Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
