gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
