I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
