and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
