from now on my penis is your penis
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
