sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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