two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
vagina is talking i cant
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
