sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize