They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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