Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize