More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
