ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I stole a fireplace last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize