she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
