i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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