nut hugger
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
