Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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