So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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