I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want nice things and good sex
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
