Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
