I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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