did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
